By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Randomize
