life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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