I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
