why didn't you poke me back
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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