Whod you bang
You just made me feel so damn special
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
