He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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