I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
