If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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