You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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