I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
