Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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