The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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