Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
