I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
