Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
