bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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