He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
