I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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