I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I forgot how hot balto sounded
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
