forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
