your thong is hanging out like whoa
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
