What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
We are all done wearing pants today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize