Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
