did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
