She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize