This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
