it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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