Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
