I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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