Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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