best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
