Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
