I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
