do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
