I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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