You really coming over, don't trick.
Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
