The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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