i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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