What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
