Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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