We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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