Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
