he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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