your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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