Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
