Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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