Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
