There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
