listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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