I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
two words...techno handjob
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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