Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
