I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
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