So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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