I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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