You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
