when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
