i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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