There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
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so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
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Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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