We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
not ubering you a puppy
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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