I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
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It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
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I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize