I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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