The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
