New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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