I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
