last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
