dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
