i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
