K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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