that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
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