I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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