Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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