That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
