Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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