Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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