So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
