I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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