went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
