Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
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I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
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It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
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