..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
