she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Randomize
